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Medical A term used to describe anything related to medicine or healthcare, often used in a humorous way. ■ "I told my friend she should go to the medical doctor for her headache, but she said it was just a stress ball."
Amputated A situation where a limb or appendage has been removed from the body, often for medical reasons. ■ John had his arm amputated because of an accident at work.
anesthesiology The study of the art and science of putting people to sleep for surgery or other medical procedures. ■ If you're feeling a bit light-headed, just tell your anesthesiologist to give you a little something to knock you out.
appendicitis A medical condition characterized by the swelling of the appendix, often leading to severe abdominal pain and the need for immediate surgery. ■ "I had appendicitis so bad, I thought my belly button was trying to escape!"
cadavers The stiff, unnatural bodies of dead people, typically used for medical or scientific purposes. ■ "I accidentally spilled my coffee on the cadaver during the autopsy. I guess you could say it was a 'cadaver-nal' mistake."
coronary A medical term for the artery that supplies blood to the heart muscle. ■ "I told my doctor I had a coronary, but he just gave me a stint."
diagnosed A person or thing has been given a medical label for having some sort of condition. ■ "I was diagnosed with ADD today, but I refuse to accept it. I'm just really good at multitasking!
Doc A person who has a medical degree and is authorized to practice medicine. ■ "I went to the doc for a checkup and he told me I need to eat more vegetables."
EMS Emergency Medical Services, commonly known as paramedics. But also a fun acronym for "Everybody's Making Stupid Errors." ■ "I can't believe I forgot my phone charger at home. That was such an EMS move."
implants Small devices that are implanted in the body, often for medical or cosmetic purposes. ■ "I had my boobs done with silicone implants - now they're practically a part of me!
liposuction A medical procedure in which excess fat is removed from the body by suctioning it out through small incisions. ■ "I had liposuction to remove my double chins and now I look like a bobblehead doll!"
Medically In a manner that is both absurd and comically inappropriate, often involving the use of medical terminology or jargon. ■ "I medically diagnosed myself with a severe case of existential crisis after watching too many philosophical movies."
orderlies A group of people who are very clean and organized, often working in a hospital or other medical setting. ■ "The orderlies were the cleanest group I've ever seen. They were constantly wiping down surfaces and organizing supplies."
outpatient An individual who is treated for a medical condition or injury while still able to leave the hospital or clinic during treatment. ■ "I'm an outpatient, so I have to come in for my appointment every week."
pediatric Relating to or involving children, especially their health and medical care. ■ "I need to see a pediatrician for my child's routine checkup."
Pediatrics The branch of medicine that deals with the medical care of infants, children, and adolescents. ■ “My kid has a fever. I’m taking them to the pediatrician.”
prescribes To give a medical treatment or advice without any knowledge of the patient's condition. ■ "I don't trust that quack, he prescribes medication to everyone without even examining them!"
prescription A written or spoken order for medication, medical treatment, or other health-related services. ■ "I need a prescription for my migraines."
proctologist A medical specialist who examines and diagnoses disorders of the rectum and anus. ■ "I have a terrible fear of proctologists, but I know I need to go see one about this persistent hemorrhoid."
Radiologist A medical professional who uses radiation to diagnose and treat diseases. ■ When the radiologist told me I had a tumor, I was like "Well, what do you expect? I've been eating too much pizza!"
reform A radical change in the way something is done or organized. ■ "The government proposed a bold reform to the healthcare system, but it was met with resistance from the medical community."
Surgeon A person who uses a scalpel to cut into living things, usually for medical purposes. ■ "I need to schedule an appointment with my surgeon. I have a tumor on my appendix that needs to be removed."
Surgery The act of performing a medical procedure on a living organism. ■ I accidentally cut myself while cooking dinner and needed surgery to fix it.
symptom A visible or noticeable sign of a disease, illness, or other medical condition. ■ "I'm experiencing a terrible symptom of my cold: my nose is so runny that it's like a faucet in my face."
abortion The act of removing a fetus from its mother's womb before it can develop into a fully formed human being. This is usually done by means of surgical intervention or medical treatment. ■ "I heard she had an abortion because she didn't want to deal with the responsibility of raising a child at such a young age."
acupuncture A medical treatment that involves inserting thin needles into specific points on the body to relieve pain and promote healing. ■ "I had acupuncture done on my back and now I can reach the top shelf without breaking a sweat!
Angiogram A visual representation of the blood vessels in a person's body, often used by doctors to diagnose and treat medical conditions. ■ The patient was asked if they wanted to see their "angiogram" before undergoing surgery. A hilarious and exaggerated description of a person's personality or behavior, often used to make fun of them. ■ "He's such an angiogram," said Sarah, "he thinks he can do anything but actually has no idea what he's doing."
Angioplasty The medical procedure of opening up a narrowed or blocked artery using a balloon or other device. It is used to treat heart disease and stroke. ■ "I told my girlfriend I wanted an angioplasty, but she said no way! She's not letting me have any more balloon therapy."
Attendant A person who is present at an event or occasion, often to provide assistance or support. ■ When the Queen arrived at the ball, her attendants were all dressed in matching outfits and held out their hands to greet her.; A person who is present at a crime scene or accident, often to provide medical assistance or document the incident. ■ "I didn't do anything wrong!" exclaimed the man as his attendants rushed over to tend to his wounds.; A person who is present at a religious service, often to assist with prayers or other rituals. ■ "Please join us in prayer," said the priest, gesturing towards his attendants, "as we celebrate this important holiday."; A person who is present at a wedding ceremony or reception, often to provide emotional support or dance with the bride and groom. ■ "I can't believe I'm finally marrying my best friend," said the groom, beaming as his attendants lifted him onto his wife's shoulders for their first dance.
biopsy A humorous term for a medical procedure in which a small sample of tissue is removed from the body, typically to diagnose or treat a disease. ■ "I told my doctor that I wanted to have a biopsy on my sense of humor. He said he'd need to do a more thorough examination first.
Checkup A medical examination of a patient's body or organs, typically to diagnose and treat diseases. ■ "I had a checkup with my dentist today and she told me I needed to floss more. It's not like I haven't heard that before, but I guess I just didn't want to hear it again."
Colitis A medical condition in which the lining of the colon becomes inflamed and irritated, causing diarrhea and abdominal pain. ■ "She was so embarrassed about her colitis that she stopped going to parties. But then she realized that everyone else had it too, and she started wearing a sign that read 'I have colitis - join the club!'
compassionate Adjective used to describe someone who feels a great deal of sympathy and sorrow for another person's misfortune, and is willing to take action to help alleviate their suffering. ■ "Despite being a ruthless businessman, Mr. Smith was surprisingly compassionate when he found out that one of his employees was struggling with a serious illness. He immediately offered to pay for all their medical bills and even took them on as a personal project to keep them engaged at work."
diagnoses A humorous term used to describe the act of giving oneself a self-diagnosis of a disease or disorder. It is often used to indicate that the diagnosis is not based on medical expertise but rather on personal experience or intuition. ■ John diagnosed himself with a case of indigestion after eating too much pizza.
diagnostician A person who is able to diagnose a disease or disorder by examining the symptoms and medical history of a patient. ■ "Dr. Smith is such a good diagnostician that she was able to diagnose her patient's illness in just one appointment."
Dialysis A medical process in which waste products are removed from the blood by passing it through a machine that separates the components of the blood based on their molecular size. ■ "I need to go on dialysis every other day because my kidneys are failing. But don't worry, I've got my dialysis jokes ready!"
Dieter A person who is extremely restricted in their diet due to some medical condition or a desire for weight loss. ■ "My grandma's on a strict diet, so I can only give her water and boiled carrots when I visit.", A person who is extremely picky about what they eat. ■ "I'm a vegetarian, but I'm also a dieter, so I only eat plants that are prepared in the same way as meat."
docs A person who is a member of a medical profession, such as a doctor or nurse. ■I had to see my doc for a routine checkup today., Short for "documents," referring to written or digital records. ■I need all my docs ready for the audit next week., A slang term for a computer, often used in reference to a specific type of device or software. ■What kind of doc do you have? I'm thinking about getting a new one.
epidural A medical term referring to the thin layer of tissue that covers the spinal cord and protects it from being squished. ■ "I had an epidural, but I couldn't feel anything because the doctor must have been very gentle with the needle."
gynecologist A medical professional who specializes in the diagnosis and treatment of women's reproductive health issues. They also provide routine check-ups and screenings for female patients. ■ I went to see a gynecologist because I was experiencing strange symptoms in my lower abdomen. After some tests, they diagnosed me with an ovarian cyst and prescribed me some medication. Luckily, it's all cleared up now!
Infrared A wavelength of light that is invisible to the human eye, but can be detected by special cameras and sensors. It is often used in medical imaging and remote control technology. ■ The doctor used an infrared camera to diagnose the patient's skin condition, which turned out to be caused by sunburn.
injections A humorous term for a medical procedure in which a substance is injected into the body to treat or prevent disease. ■I told the doctor I was allergic to injections, but he said it was just a matter of getting over my fear of needles.
intravenous Intravenous (i.v.) is a medical term that means "within the veins." It is often used to describe treatments or medications that are given directly into a patient's bloodstream through an intravenous line. ■ "I'm sorry, but I can't go on this hike without my i.v. fix of caffeine!
jargon A collection of obscure words or phrases used in a particular profession, field, or group. It is often used to impress others and make outsiders feel excluded. ■ The medical jargon made me feel like I was back in school learning Latin.
loophole An intentional or accidental opening in a system, rule, or law that can be exploited to gain an advantage or evade a consequence. ■ "Did you know there's a loophole in the tax code that allows you to claim a deduction for eating ice cream? Just tell the IRS you're doing it for medical reasons."
medicare A government-funded health insurance program for people over the age of 65 and some people with disabilities, providing coverage for medical expenses. ■ "I'm so glad I have Medicare, it means I can afford to go to the doctor without breaking the bank!"
nurse A person who is responsible for the care and well-being of a patient or group of patients, typically in a hospital or medical setting. A person who is willing to put up with a lot of complaining, whining, and other unpleasantness because they know that it's all part of the job.
Nurses A group of highly skilled and dedicated individuals who provide medical care to the sick, injured, and elderly. They are known for their compassion, empathy, and ability to soothe even the most upset stomach. ■ "The nurses at this hospital are truly amazing. They were able to calm my anxiety about the surgery, and I left feeling like I had a new best friend."
nursing The art of comforting and caring for a sick or injured person, typically by providing them with medical care, food, and other necessities. ■ After years of working as a nurse, I'm an expert at nursing my patients back to health. And by "nursing" them back to health, I mean giving them large quantities of chocolate and telling them they can watch all the TV they want.
Paramedic A person who is trained to provide medical assistance in emergency situations, but is not a doctor. ■ Jane called 911 because she was having trouble breathing. The paramedics arrived and told her to stay calm while they gave her oxygen. Suddenly, Jane started talking like a British accent. It turns out the paramedic had an accent too!