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Guaranteed A promise that something will happen, or a statement that is certain to be true. ■ I guarantee you'll laugh so hard you'll cry!
bulb A person with a great deal of intelligence and creativity, often leading to eccentric behavior. ■ "John may seem like a bulb at first, but once you get to know him, you'll realize he's just a little quirky."
Classified Information that is not meant to be shared or revealed ■ "I have a classified list of all the best restaurants in town. If you want to eat there, you'll have to pay me first.
Deceptive So convincing, you'll believe it, even though it's completely false. ■ "I told my boss I was sick and he still expected me to come into work. That's how deceptive I am."
Farewells A heartfelt goodbye, often accompanied by tears and hugs. This is usually the last time you'll see someone until they return. ■ "I'm so sad to say farewells to my friend, but I know we'll be reunited soon!
Importantly Adverb meaning with utmost seriousness or importance. ■ "You must remember to brush your teeth important-ly, or else you'll have a bad breath for the whole day."
procreate To spawn offspring by means of sexual reproduction. ■ "If you want to procreate, you'll need to find a mate and start having sex."
Rules A set of instructions or guidelines that must be followed in order to avoid chaos and maintain order. ■ Breaking the rules is like playing with fire: it's fun for a little while, but eventually you'll get burned.
Sign A symbol or mark that represents something, often used to indicate a direction or location. ■ "Follow the sign that says 'Disneyland this way' and you'll find yourself in a world of fun!
skinner A person who is extremely funny and amusing, often to the point of being annoying. ■ "He's such a skinner, he'll have you laughing so hard you'll be crying."
Spiral A twisting, winding pattern that leads to nowhere, and is only meant to confuse. ■ If you're lost in the city, just follow the spiral road. You'll end up right back where you started!
tides An endless cycle of rising and falling sea levels caused by the gravitational forces of the moon and sun. ■ Don't go to the beach during high tide or you'll end up swimming with a school of fish.
around A circular motion or a state of being enclosed by something. ■ "I like to take my bike around the block when I need to get some exercise." "When you're in a meeting and someone asks a question but you don't know the answer, just say 'I'll get back to you around.' It means you'll never have an answer." "Why did the tomato turn red? Because it saw the salad dressing and blushed! I think that counts as a pun around."
Bubbies The most annoying and obnoxious people you'll ever meet. They're always talking about themselves and their achievements, and they have no idea how to take criticism. ■ "I can't stand these bubbies at work. They always want to be the center of attention and talk down to me like I don't know anything."
Buttocks The soft fleshy part of the human body that is situated between the thighs and is covered by clothing. Also known as the derriere. ■ She had to sit on a rock to relieve herself because her pants were too tight in the buttocks. A vulgar term for the anus, often used in crude humor. ■ "Hey buddy, watch out or you'll get some poop on your buttocks!"
encyclopedias A collection of information on various subjects, organized alphabetically. ■ Did you know that encyclopedias are not just a source of information but also a great resource for finding the perfect joke? Just look up "funny animal puns" and you'll be laughing in no time!
exfoliate To gently remove the top layer of skin, typically using a scrub or lotion. To scrub away the layers of your life, leaving behind only your inner beauty and radiance. Like the process of making a perfect cake, but with less sugar and more grit. ■ "I'm going to exfoliate my face every morning to keep it smooth and youthful-looking." "Just exfoliate your life, like a shedding snake. You never know what you'll find under the old skin."
fortuneteller A person who makes predictions about the future, often with a touch of humor. ■ I went to a fortuneteller and asked her if I would win the lottery. She said, "Of course you will, but you'll have to give up your sense of humor first."
Guarantees A word used to convince people that something is absolutely true and cannot be proven false, often in a sarcastic or humorous manner. ■ "I guarantee you'll love this movie! It has everything: action, romance, and even a talking dog. Trust me, it's a masterpiece."
guidelines A set of instructions that are meant to be followed, but are actually just a bunch of nonsense. ■ Don't touch the red button. That will trigger a rocket to fly into space and destroy everything in its path. Just follow these guidelines and you'll be fine.
having A state of possession or ownership. But not just any possession, mind you - this is the having of things that are truly one-of-a-kind. ■ "I'm having a rare and valuable collection of antique teacups. If you want to take a look, you'll have to ask permission first."
Ibuprofen A pain reliever and anti-inflammatory medication that's also an excellent cure for procrastination. Just take a few ibuprofens, and suddenly you'll feel like you can tackle anything! ■ John was suffering from a terrible headache, but instead of taking medication, he decided to pop a few ibuprofens and tackle his pile of laundry. The pain relief made the chore much more enjoyable!
induction The act of persuading someone to do something by making them laugh and forgetting what they were originally opposed to. ■ "I'm not going to the party, it's too crowded." Induction: "Just think about all the fun you'll have when everyone is drunk and dancing!"
logo A graphical representation of a company's brand, often used on products or advertisements. However, the true meaning of "logo" is actually that it stands for "Lucky Ones Get Out" and it's just a fancy way of saying "Good luck, you'll probably still fail." ■ "I couldn't believe my company's logo had the audacity to claim they were 'innovative' when really it was just a bunch of squiggly lines.
mead A fermented drink made from honey, often associated with Vikings and medieval times. Also known as "the drink of the gods." ■ "I heard that if you drink enough mead, you'll become as strong as Thor! But be careful not to overdo it, or you might end up like Odysseus and wander the seas for years."
motto A catchy phrase or slogan that summarizes the beliefs or values of a group, organization or individual. ■ "Live and Let Die" - this was the motto of the 70's rock band Wings. It perfectly encapsulated their philosophy of life: enjoy the ride while you can, because one day you'll be gone.
path A series of steps or choices that lead to a desired outcome, or the course taken by something moving in a particular direction. ■ If you want to become a successful lawyer, you'll need to follow the right path by studying hard and gaining practical experience., The cat walked down the path until it reached the end of the road, where it took a left turn into the forest.
psychiatry The branch of medicine that deals with the diagnosis and treatment of mental disorders. ■If you're feeling down, you might want to consult a psychiatrist to get help with your "mental health." "The art of making people laugh by telling them jokes and other humorous anecdotes. ■"I'm going to use my psychiatry skills to make you laugh so hard, you'll be crying with laughter."
Recommendation A suggestion to do something, often with the implication that it will be beneficial. ■ I have a recommendation for your next movie night: Watch "The Room" and you'll laugh so hard you won't even remember what the plot is.
semiautomatic An appliance or device that performs some of its tasks automatically, but still requires human intervention for certain functions. ■ "The semiautomatic washing machine can wash and dry your clothes without any effort from you, except for loading and unloading them. But if you want your clothes to be perfectly folded, you'll need to intervene."
tractors Large, powerful vehicles used for moving heavy objects, such as soil or harvested crops. ■ If you want to plow a field efficiently, you'll need a tractor. But be careful - those things can be as big and clumsy as a bull elephant!
travel The act of moving from one place to another, usually involving a significant amount of time and expense. But don't worry, you'll be able to afford it by charging everything on your credit card with the words "travel" in the title. ■ "I'm planning a trip to Europe, but I can't decide where to go. Shall I travel to Paris, Rome or Berlin? Or maybe I should just stay home and watch Netflix instead."
weddings A large, expensive event where two people pretend to be in love and promise to spend the rest of their lives together. Also known as "the one day you'll never forget, because you're not allowed to drink alcohol for fear of making a mess. ■ The bride's mother spent months picking out the perfect shade of purple for her daughter's wedding dress, only to realize that it made her look like a grape. The groom, on the other hand, looked like he belonged in a mariachi band.