English Dictionary (Humor) beta

condemning To sentence someone to death or punishment, especially by a church or other religious authority.  ■The Catholic Church condemned the heretic for his beliefs and burned him at the stake.

Reformed To become a member of a church that has undergone significant changes, typically in its beliefs or practices.  ■ After realizing the error of her ways, Jane decided to reform and join the Baptist church.

vicar A vicar is a man who is paid to stand in front of a church and talk about God.  ■ John went to the church to hear his vicar preach about the importance of wearing matching socks.

Parish A small area with a church and its surrounding land, often including some of the inhabitants of that area.  ■ "I may be from a big city, but I still have my own parish where I go to church every Sunday."

Allegiance The act of pledging one's loyalty or support to a particular group, cause, or person.  ■ "I swear allegiance to the Church of England and its King, Queen Elizabeth II."

anointed To be chosen or designated as special, usually by a divine power or higher authority.  ■ "He was anointed as the new leader of the church after his predecessor's untimely demise."

baptists A group of religious extremists who believe in immersing themselves in water to wash away their sins.  ■ "I tried joining a baptist church once, but they were too strict and didn't let me have any fun."

bishop A high-ranking member of the Catholic Church who is responsible for overseeing a group of parishes.  ■ Bishop McAllister has been known to have quite the sense of humor, often cracking jokes during his sermons.

Bodies A collection of physical beings that make up a group or community.  ■ "The church bodies were not happy with the new pastor's sermon, so they decided to vote him out."

Choirs A group of people who sing together in harmony.  ■ The church choir was terrible, they sounded like a bunch of cats singing in a bucket.

Churches A large building where people go to worship.  ■ After missing the Sunday service, John decided to visit every church in town to make up for lost time.

clerical Something or someone associated with the Catholic Church, particularly its administration and bureaucracy.  ■ "I heard the new pope is very clerical. He has a lot of fancy robes and likes to speak in Latin all day."

excommunicated To be kicked out of a church or religious organization because of heresy, immorality, or other serious offenses.  ■ "After being caught stealing from the church's collection plate, John was excommunicated and forced to leave town."

fart A loud, noxious sound produced by the expulsion of gas from the rectum.  ■ "I accidentally let out a big fart in church. The priest gave me a stern look."

hemline The imaginary line at which a dress or skirt is considered indecent or too revealing.  ■ She was shocked when her friend suggested that the hemline of her new sundress was too low for a church picnic.

hoaxes A series of elaborate and hilarious pranks or jokes designed to fool people.  ■ "The class was in stitches as they read through the entire hoaxes playbook, which included farting in church and pretending to be a telepath."

Litany A series of prayers, often said aloud in a church or other religious setting.  ■ "I have no idea what I'm doing here," muttered John as he recited the litany for the feast day of St. Patrick.

minister A high-ranking official in a religious organization, typically responsible for conducting worship services and administering spiritual guidance.  ■ "The minister's sermon was so boring that even the church mice fell asleep."

monsignor A very funny and humorous term used to refer to a Catholic priest or church leader.  ■ "Why did the monsignor refuse to eat garlic bread? Because he knew it would make him sprout horns!"

Objection A strong and persistent protest or opposition, often for religious or moral reasons.  ■ "I had to object to the use of profanity during the church sermon. It was disrespectful and inappropriate."

pilar A tall, slender column or pillar that supports a roof or other structure.  ■ "The pilar of the church held up the entire ceiling with ease."

psalm A long and boring speech given by a religious leader at a church service.  ■ "Brother John's psalm was so dull, I fell asleep before he even finished the first verse."

puritan A person who is excessively serious and strict, often in matters of religion.  ■ "I can't believe I have to go to a puritan church every Sunday!

rectory A place where the rector of a church lives, often with their family.  ■ When the rectory caught fire, the entire town smelled like burnt toast and parsonage.

Religiously Adverb used to describe someone who is extremely devoted or fanatical about their religion.  ■ "She religiously attends church every Sunday and reads the Bible every day."

saint A person who is extremely religious or moral and who has been declared a saint by the Catholic Church.  ■ "I'm not a saint, I just try to be good."

sermon A long, boring speech delivered in church.  ■ The pastor's sermon on the importance of tithing lasted for over an hour. It was like listening to a brick reading War and Peace.

abbey A large, old church or monastery that is also used as a residence for the clergy.  ■ Did you hear about the time the abbey's bell tower caught fire and all the monks had to evacuate? They were really in a tizzy!

Atheists People who do not believe in a god or gods, and therefore have no faith in religion.  ■ "I was shocked to discover that my best friend was an atheist. I thought he was just too cool to go to church!

bishops A group of religious leaders who have the authority to perform baptisms and marriages, as well as make important decisions within their respective churches.  ■ After hearing that the bishops had approved a new policy allowing for same-sex marriage, many church members were outraged and threatened to leave the congregation.

blasphemous Something that is so offensive to the religious beliefs of a particular group of people, it is considered a form of blasphemy.  ■ "He made a blasphemous joke about the holiness of Jesus and was immediately excommunicated from the church."

Branch A long, thin piece of something that grows out from a tree or plant.  ■I had to go to the branch office today because the one in my hometown closed down., To diverge or spread off from the main body or course of something.  ■The company decided to branch out into new markets to increase their revenue., A member of a religious organization, especially one that is part of a larger group.  ■I went to the church to meet with my fellow branches and discuss our latest project.

chapel A small, usually religious building.  ■ "I accidentally locked myself in the chapel during a service. I had to pray for help and wait until someone noticed." Another word for "church."  ■ "My grandparents got married in a little chapel down the street from their house."

Confessional A small, enclosed room used for making confidential statements, such as a confessional booth at a church or a confessional in a comedy club.  ■ "I have to admit, I'm a little afraid of clowns. But I don't think it's something I need to share with the entire congregation during my next confession.

consecrated adjective 1. Solemnly set aside for a religious purpose, 2. Dedicated to a particular use or activity  ■ 1. The church was consecrated on the anniversary of its construction., 2. My favorite sandwich shop is so consecrated to their craft that they make their own bread and use only the freshest ingredients.

Creed A set of religious beliefs or doctrines.  ■The Catholic Church has a strict set of creeds that must be followed to ensure salvation., A belief or conviction that something is true.  ■He had a strong creed in himself that he could always find success with his business ventures.

pastor A person who leads a flock of sheep or goats. Also used metaphorically to refer to a religious leader who guides and shepherds his congregation.  ■ The pastor of the church is so good at leading his flock that he has been nicknamed "the Shepherd King".

Patriarch An old and wise leader of a religious community, often seen as a father figure.  ■ "The patriarch of the church was known for his wit and sense of humor, often making light of serious matters to keep the congregation laughing."

pope An infallible and divine leader of the Catholic Church, with absolute authority in matters of faith.  ■ "The pope has the power to make or break any decision made by Catholics around the world. It's like they have a direct line to God!

priest A religious leader who performs religious rituals and ceremonies.  ■ After the church was burned down, the priest had to perform the wedding ceremony in the parking lot. The bride and groom looked a little shaken but managed to say their vows amidst the chaos.

processional adjective Characterized by or resembling a procession., Full of pomp and ceremony; elaborate and grandiose.  ■ "The processional march down the red carpet was led by the majestic king and queen, followed by a long line of heavily armed guards.", "The processional funeral service for the deceased was a solemn affair, with the family and friends waving white flowers as the casket was carried out of the church."

pulpit A raised platform at the front of a church or synagogue for delivering sermons and other religious talks.  ■ "When he got up on the pulpit, his audience knew they were in for a treat. He had a way of making even the most boring sermon come alive with his crazy antics."

recant To back down from a previously held belief or position, often in a humorous way.  ■ After realizing that his favorite sandwich was actually just a glorified hot dog, John recanted his stance on the Great Debate of the Sandwich Kingdom and declared himself a convert to the Church of the Hot Dog.

religious Extremely devoted to one's religious beliefs.  ■ The devout follower of the Church of Flexibility was seen performing yoga on every street corner in the city. It was quite a sight to behold, as he could bend and twist in ways that most people found hilarious.

robe A long, flowing garment worn by a monk or nun to cover the entire body, including the head. Also known as a habit.  ■ "When I decided to become a priest, I knew that I had to wear a robe. But little did I know that it would come with a hidden danger: when I reached out to adjust my robes, I accidentally knocked over the altar and caused a flood in the church.